Stuck On The Tarmac

I have traveled a lot.  I actually really love flying.  But, of course, traveling by air does have its challenges and frustrations. When you fly, you must work in cooperation with and in submission to those who have more control of the situation than you do.  You must wait on weather, airline delays, your seatmate to settle down or move out of the way so you can use the restroom...all of these remind you that you are not in control.  I've had multiple experiences in air travel having to wait on the tarmac to take off. We've already left our gate and are now waiting in line to take off. I cannot do much more than read or play a game on my iphone during this time and it is frustrating to be in such a holding pattern.  I feel like nothing I do will help move us forward, and it is frustrating because I know our end goal, but we are not making any progress at all.

Well, that is what Scott and I feel like we are in right now, stuck on the tarmac for our adoption. With adoption, you don't grow a belly, but rather a mound of paperwork.  You don't have doctors poking at your body, but social workers who poke around your home.  But we don't have a social worker to do that right now.

From August until November (Thanksgiving weekend to be exact), we worked very diligently to complete our pile of home-study homework for our adoption, submit our paperwork and fingerprints to the FBI for background checks, follow up with our references to be sure they turned in their paperwork, and graduated from our PRIDE, CPR/First Aid and Blood born pathogen classes.  Everything was turned in to our agency at the end of November.  I called the first week of December to find out if they had processed our paperwork and then find out what our next step would be.  I already knew, but I wanted to follow up with a timeline. (something we have really never been given)  Our next step would be to be assigned a case manager, and begin our home study.  When I called, I found out that we would need to wait until January to be assigned a case manager.  It's now February, and we still have no case manager, because their case loads are full.  I was told they are trying to hire one, but it is taking time as well. We have done everything we can on our end, but there is nothing else to do but wait and pray. I am not sure if we should go directly through the state instead of our agency, or if we should continue to wait.

I had to say it, but I am honestly getting frustrated by people in my life asking me "what is new with the adoption?" I don't have anything new to say, and when they ask me, it just seems to generate more emotions, discouragement, disappointment and frustration.  I know they ask because they care, but I just find myself getting angry and then I shut down.  I want to respond more positively, and generally I can offer a smile and the explanation, but my emotions are turbulent within me.  I find myself crying out to God for direction and assistance. 

My current prayer is that God helps me find contentment with where we are right in the moment.  I am not good at that.  I have always been the type of person to look ahead to the future, make plans, share dreams.  I operate ok in the present, but my mindset is always toward the future.  This works well for me in my job as a visionary leader, but not so well in my personal life right now. 

 When times are good, be happy;
   but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one
   as well as the other.
Therefore, no one can discover
   anything about their future.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 

I know God is teaching me, but I'm a very reluctant and not-so-grateful student at the moment.

Summertime...and the living is...easy?

Is it Summer?
Summer is delicious. rain is refreshing, wind braces up, snow is exhilarating; there is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
-- John Ruskin
(I keep trying to think of this quote this Summer while I imagine myself seated in one of these chairs!)

I've done my east coast tour, been involved in a heapload of camps, had a mini vacation with my husband, and I even turned on the A/C once or twice in this very non-summer like weather we've had in the Pacific NW. Finally, in the middle of August, I take a breather (in the sunshine!) before the Fall schedule grabs hold and I start to run at a spirited pace once again.  So what really has captured my attention and energy since April??  SO MUCH!

The season began with a very hectic, yet successful ending to the inaugural year of Woodinville Whiz Kids. Wow! It's amazing to think how much God and handful of really faithful people have done to make this after-school program so awesome. I haven't always had the luxury of seeing the vision God has placed in my head actually get planted, grow, and mature before my eyes like Whiz Kids has done in the past year.  I'm just in awe!  Usually, I have lots of visions, dreams, and ideas and a few of the seeds are planted, some cultivated, but I rarely get to see the fruit of the harvest until long after I have moved on.  I guess that is the case for a lot of dreamers and visionaries.  I am thankful for the blessing of seeing this vision become reality and am currently working toward what our second year will hold for us. Here's a short summary of our first year.  I am looking forward to another wonderful year with some great kids and leaders!

The Blushing Bride

The last day of school literally sent me packing!  I headed out at 4am to catch a flight to NYC to celebrate the wedding of my college roommate, Christine.  I was "blessed" with 5 hours of "quality time" in the Denver airport, but tried to appreciate the goodness of it all.  It gave me an opportunity to practice singing at the higher altitude since I plan to return again in October 2012 for the Sweet Adelines a cappella competition!  I had to rehearse my song for the wedding anyway.  I really wish I could figure out where the stage fright comes from when it comes to singing a solo or duet.  I can deliver a speech, a sermon, or even a magic routine in front of hundreds and a few times in front of a thousand, but singing is a whole other matter!  *sigh* Someday, it will be easier...someday.
Actually, I was rather pleased with the delivery of the Irish Blessing I gave at Christine's wedding, so someday arrived faster than I expected. 

Virginia and her Daddy

After Christine and Steve's wedding, I took the train to central New Jersey to meet up with my Duke roommate, Anna Kate, her husband Will and their darling daughter, Virginia.  What a joy it was to spend some quality time with friends if only for a few days. Will is the Presbyterian minister in the town of Titusville and they live in the cutest little manse right on the Delaware river where George Washington once made his famous crossing.  It's very Norman Rockwell there and I loved it!  Will and A.K. dropped me at the airport for yet another flight for my east coast tour down to North Carolina.  Of course, weather caused another delay, this time in Baltimore.  I got into Raleigh at some ungodly hour, but my baby brother, Corey, is a night owl and still picked me up!  What a guy!  He even picked me up from the hotel in the morning for breakfast with dad and grandma.  Then it was on the road for 2 1/2 hours to the tiny town of Conway with Dad and Grandma (Corey stayed in Raleigh for work).

Conway is where I used to live before I moved to Washington state.   It's one of those towns most people never visit because it isn't on the way to anywhere...except maybe the beach, but then you really are on a Sunday-drive kind of tour to get to the beach.  It's a sweet town with good people who always have a hug waiting for you and probably some sweet tea and a good story as well.  I always go to Conway when I return to North Carolina because if I didn't, Helen would harass me until I returned to visit her. She hates that I left, even though she understands why I did move.

Helen

Helen is my 95 year old friend.  She is probably one of the most amazing, faithful people I know. She also keeps my dog, Juniper who couldn't come to live with me since Scott and I have a condo with no yard.  Helen and Juniper love each other and the both kind of jump up and down and in circles when I come to see them--as much as an overweight 8 year old dog and 95 year old woman can anyway.  I kind of think of Helen like the female version of the father in the story of the Prodigal Son from Luke 15.  When the young son returns home, the father throws a huge party for him; he just loves him so intensely and is so glad for his return.  Every time I return to Helen, she wants to throw a party and just completely surrounds me with her love. It's incredible and overwhelming sometimes.  Helen loves like God loves--unconditionally and overwhelmingly.  It's a very powerful thing.

After our too-short visit with Helen and other friends in Conway, Dad, Grandma and I went on our way south to Goldsboro to take Grandma home.  We met Aunt Karen and cousin Hillary there and Aunt Karen also handed off my completed wedding scrapbook! Woohoo!  It looks awesome, and so much work was put into it.  I love looking at it and remembering the day Scott and I were married two years ago. Now, as Hillary plans her wedding with Jeshua, I am just thankful I'm doing planning mine! That's a lot of work. 
After we said our goodbyes to family, Dad and I were headed back to Wilmington so I could finally sleep after several long days of travel!

Adalyn modeling (Aunt Lindsey's dress)

How can you resist this face??

I got a couple of days of rest in before my sister, niece, and mom arrived which brought a flurry of excitement and energy.  Mom had been on a business trip and my sister, Shelby, drove in from the Charlotte area with Adalyn just to see me!  It was so great to see how much Adalyn had grown since I was last there to see her back in November.  She is now crawling and babbling and such a complete joy to watch as she explores the world around her.  Shelby is a great mom and I am longing for the day when Scott and I can bring a cousin or two to visit with Adalyn. I was sad to say goodbye to them on July 4th, but it was time to return home to Washington and it was a treat to receive the birdseye view of fireworks from the plane.

I had just one week of time between my trip and the start of Vacation Bible School.  We had a ton of work to do, but thankfully the prep work before the trip and the work of faithful volunteers while I was away allowed Vacation Bible School to be the best one we've had since I started at WCUMC.

I was very concerned during that week of VBS that my next camp would not happen.  I needed 35 kids in order for it to happen.  Usually, we have well over that number for our camps, but for some reason, this new one was not catching on.  Plus, I needed kids who were entering grades 3-8 and I didn't have a lot in that age group to draw from.  God was stretching me.  On Thursday, July 14 I had 19 children and would need to call to let them know on July 15 whether or not to cancel.  Over night (after numerous prayers and phone calls)  God delivered 35 to our list and we had 38 by Saturday.
GOD IS FAITHFUL.  KidShine camp was AMAZING.  There were so many God moments during that week.  Kids who had never heard the Gospel, heard it for the first time.  Kids who had never acted, or danced in front of others, did on Friday night for the first time. Other kids who have been honing their talents and gifts for some time were able to share as well.  It was not just another kids play--it was truly impressive art and God's work in action.

Following KidShine, Scott and I fled the country to Canada as has become our tradition. We went to Victoria last year.  This year we were in Whistler, British Columbia.  WOW the scenery is simply breathtaking. It was only for two days, but it was a nice little escape and a definitely a necessary one in order to reconnect with my husband.

Whistler: Home of the 2010 Winter Olympics

Lots of snow up that high!

Peak 2 Peak Gondola (yes, they really use the "2" in the name!)

 

The final camp of the summer was Epoch.  This is our youth camp that is done every year at Camp David, Jr. just outside Port Angeles, WA on the Olympic Peninsula.  The scenery here is also amazing.  I can see why it is a coveted place to camp.  I usually do not attend this camp because it is for 7-12 graders and is run by our Youth Pastor.  Kim has always been great about helping me with VBS and other things in Children's ministry so when she needed help, it was only right that I volunteer.  What was I thinking??? After the crazy travel and camp season I'd already had--wow!  I was exhausted upon arrival which would not bode well when I needed to sleep on plywood beds in the Jr. High girls cabin!  Yep, well they do have these thin cushion things, but they really aren't supportive at all.  Well I counted it all joy and did just fine for most of the week even though I had to take naps during free time and go to bed at 9:30 like an old lady. What is even more amusing is that my job was in the kitchen.  I'm not a cook.  I mean, I can cook and sometimes enjoy it, but I will definitely take the short cuts in cooking.  Mary, our head cook, does not. This is NOT typical camp food.  This is gourmet, fresh, organic, good-for-you, slap your momma GOOOD eatin.  I'm serious!  I learned to cook for a large crowd this past week and it was fun.  With the exception of mice, a burn from the holey hot pad, and being a bit stressed when Mary left us midweek for a wedding...it was good.  But wow...I'm tired!  Upon my return, I made a reservation and received a most excellent, well deserved massage, then my trainer kicked my butt, and I am trying to reorganize and clean the house after being away so much.  It's recovery time, but the sun is shining and it's still SUMMER (sorta).

the deer are very tame

freezing cold water didn't stop the swimmers!

lunch by the lake

So...that's what has happened this Summer.  And in with regards to the adoption process.  We're still working on it.  We are just about ready to send in our first application. We got a little delayed after we received news back in late April that we might be moving ( long story, but we aren't moving after all), then the festivities of Lent and Easter swallowed my time, and then all-of-thee above took place.  Needless to say, our paperwork was just kind of sitting there waiting (begging) for attention.  I pulled it out of the file box and am working on it this week!  Hopefully, things will begin to progress again, soon. 

The Process

That is what it is ... a process for us, for others, for our hearts and our minds.  Scott doesn't like it when I say I need time to "process."  I think it is because he is more impulsive with what he thinks and then says.  But this time, I want the process to be faster than he does.  Then again, everything of worth takes time and process. So what are we in the process of doing? We're in the process of adopting a child or children! One social worker likes to say "gift packages" for when two or more children come to you.  We don't know what God has planned, but it's pretty incredible the amount of preparation that goes into becoming an adoptive parent.  We're excited and nervous and cautious and curious and probably many other emotions I cannot identify at this time.
We attended our first orientation class at Antioch Adoptions on April 11, 2011.  Most of what they presented, I had read about or had some knowledge of it, but a lot of it was new to Scott. Like I said, I want the process to be faster than he does so I've done a lot of reading and analyzing.  But it is good to be in it together.  We do a lot of life separately sometimes and this is forcing us as a couple to walk the journey together.  The following week, we received the 58 page application.  Ok some of the application was just pages of information to read, but a lot of it requires filing out information.  They want to know EVERYTHING about you: financial statements, credit reports, W-2, finger prints for background checks, family history, education, and because it is Christian agency, faith statement.  We're ok with sharing all this, but it is quite overwhelming to be so transparent sometimes. We're nearly finished with all that is required for the initial application.  After we turn it in, we'll be contacted to begin our pre-screening interview.  In the meantime, we're taking PRIDE pre-service classes that are provided by the state. Talk about overwhelming and intense! If you aren't convinced about the brokenness of this world, you should be quite clear on it by the time you leave this class.  We'll have 27 hours of pre-service training by the time we finish these classes next Friday.  It's positively exhausting.  I am probably more exhausted since I am just coming off of Holy Week and Easter at the church, but the emotional and mental requirements to engage in this class are wearing me out even more. Time to rest and process some more.

Fear

Scientists tell us that humans are born with only 2 natural fears. Anyone that's ever observed a baby knows that babies jump at loud noises. Babies are also fearful of falling. As we go through life we LEARN TO FEAR other things. Worth noting is that fear almost always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable. Fear could also be an instant reaction to something presently happening. 

There is a lot of fear in Arizona and it is an emotion that is felt no matter the language you speak or the color of your skin.  I'm not sure what the root of the fear is from exactly, but it is a very powerful emotion that is fueling feelings of anger, resentment, vulnerability, hatred and a host of many others. If there’s one word that seems to describe our world and its mood today it is fear. It seems like every day the headlines scream of some new crisis in our world that threatens to plunge us into chaos. Fear sells. Nothing will motivate us to run or standstill and hide faster than fear.  The business world has known for years that fear sells and have learned to take advantage of people during times of fear, even if it is just something that's anticipated. Jesus spoke of a time when men’s hearts would fail them for fear. (Luke 21:26) We seem to be living in just such a time as that today. 

The good news is that Christ has come to take away the source of our fears. Fears are real. Christ does not tell us that we should simply cheer up and they’ll all go away. It is right to fear death if we do not know Christ. It is right to fear loneliness or the problems that seem to overwhelm us, because those things are very real. But so is Christ, and when we realize that He has dealt with sin and made it possible for us to be reconciled to God, then we do not need to be paralyzed by fear any longer. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

 

Growth

Our devotion for our first night in Phoenix was led by teammate Elizabeth who encouraged us to pull a star from a hat. Upon that star would be a printed word which would be our prayer word for the week.  She did this exercise at her church for Epiphany, and encouraged us to let the star choose us. When were ready, we could share what we were thinking.
When the hat got to me, I pulled out the star with GROWTH printed on it.  Internally, I groaned.  I wanted to draw another one immediately. I don't like mine.  I really don't.  I know GROWTH is usually seen as something we're supposed to desire.  We exclaim as children "When I grow up..."  or adults proclaim to us "wow! you're so grown up!" or we scold someone who we deem immature in their social actions to "grow up!"  But, growing is hard.  It hurts. It can be exciting, but also intimidating and overwhelming.  It often happens in small, incremental ways instead of the straight predictable trajectory I'd prefer.  Sometimes growth only happens when other non-growing areas are cut off.

I know this week will be a time of growth.  How can it not when I'm experiencing so many new things? But, I confess that I am resistant.  GROWTH is closely connected to TRUST for me.  And TRUST is my prayer and theme word for 2011.  I don't care much for it either.  But I'm trying. Come, Holy Spirit, Come. 

2 Peter 1:3-8

Don't Put It Off

 ^3-4Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received! We were also given absolutely terrific promises to pass on to you—your tickets to participation in the life of God after you turned your back on a world corrupted by lust.  ^5-9So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can't see what's right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.

Considering Dandelions

You are the salt of the earth.  Matthew 5:13

I was always taught that dandelions were not welcome in pretty manicured yards.  They may start out blending in with the desired grasses but with their maturity were eventually labeled invaders that did not fit in.  Pesky weeds that needed to be sprayed, ripped up root and all and cast away. As a child, I didn't understand why. Was there ever a more beautiful yellow, a more deliciously luscious green? The yellow of the new flower is so vibrant and always indicates warmer weather has arrived.  The white fluffy seeds of the older flower are so beautiful when caught by the wind or the breath of a child.  I often wished I could take a ride on that dandelion dust and travel with it.

Dandelions show us the power of small actions.  Not unlike these feathery seedlings, we can salt the earth, serving others and leaving lasting imprints on hearts known and unknown. 

Tomorrow I fly to Arizona with a group of Pastors with whom I've shared times of reflection, communion and story over the last 3 years in ministry.  Our journey will take us from Seattle to Phoenix then Tucson and Nogales, Mexico.  We are engaging in study about immigration and the role of the church.